Lately I’ve noticed a pattern: before I let myself explore anything creative or curious — even something as small as logging a half-formed idea — I first ask, “Is this useful? Could this go in my portfolio? Would this make sense to others?”

That need to justify kills momentum before it starts. It’s like I’ve internalised a rule that says every action must be productive or legible to someone else.

But what if I didn’t?

What if the act of exploring something — even if it never goes anywhere — was reason enough?

This is probably why I’ve felt so blocked creatively. I don’t allow space for waste, wandering, or failure. Everything must have a label and a return on investment.

Maybe the real work right now is re-learning how to mess around with no outcome — and logging that process anyway.